Gone Fishing

Today is my last blog for two months, as I am going to summer camp, where Internet connection is reserved for our tyrannical overlords. (Don't worry, we're working on starting a revolution. It's been really fun writing this blog every day (mostly) for the past month, and I look forward to writing more in the future. So tell your friends to read, and I'll see you August 19th!

The Top Five Pixar Movies

(For #13-6, see my previous post "Pixar From Best To Worst: Part 1." The two posts were supposed to be one, but I had a a meeting with my business partner Mark Sandberg from Vermont over some undisclosed settlements from the last quarter I went to sleep before finishing.)

Every movie here is a classic, a wonderful, wonderful film that should be cherished for years to come. Choosing between them was extremely hard.

5. Wall-E

The robots in this movie are perhaps the most human of all the Pixar characters. The story of Wall-E and Eve is a great romance. The story is a cautionary tale about the future of humanity that somehow manages to be inspirational and hopeful, and we see all the political upheaval and world crisis through the eyes of a simpler character, sort of like Forrest Gump. But with more robots. And it's a better movie than Forrest Gump.

Best Line: (Eve, as Wall-E lays dying in her arms) "Wall-E."

4. Ratatouille

Definetely the most underrated Pixar movie, I bet most of you reading this didn't even think of Ratatouille when you opened the article. But it's a great one. I love food, and this movie talks about food a lot, which is good. Also, the visuals of Paris are amazing, and Peter O' Toole's performance as Ego has me in shivers every time. A heartwarming tale of friendship.

Best Line (Anton Ego) "I don't like food, I love it. If I don't love it, I don't swallow."

3. Up

The first 20 minutes of this movie, narrating Carl's life with Ellie up until her death is the saddest piece of film I've ever seen. It's simply beautiful. With its minimal dialogue, it could have gone on to be one of the Pixar shorts, but the real story is what happens to Carl after what seems to be the last adventure of his life. Because after there's a whole new adventure. And part of that adventure is Christopher Plummer trying to kill him, which must have been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Best Line: (Dug, the dog) "Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead. "

2. Toy Story 3

You saw this movie. You cried. Don't worry, I did too. Even though I wasn't born yet when Toy Story came out and only an infant when the second was in theaters, I have fond memories of Toy Story from when I was a small child, just like millions of other people do. Due to the toy aspect, the movies even stir up those feelings for people who were adults when the movie came out. And Toy Story 3 does with those memories and feelings what it does with its characters: almost burning them to death in a giant furnace before swiftly saving them and preserving them happily forever.

Best Line: (Lotso, having sentenced the gang to death) "Where's your kid now, Sheriff?"

1. Finding Nemo

This is the best children's movie ever, and one of the best movies. There is not one wrong note. Every character is interesting and memorable, the scenes of the ocean are breathtaking, every joke is hilarious, and the story is touching as can be. This is a pick-me-up movie. It will make you smile, no matter what mood you're in. It's a real work of art, and it's the greatest Pixar movie of all time.

Best Line: Pick any Dory line.

Pixar From Best to Worst : Part 1

I just got home from seeing Brave, the latest Pixar movie. I enjoyed it. I recommend seeing it. It was sweet and funny, the music and voice acting were great, the visuals were amazing, and the short it aired with, La Luna, was a real treat. Brave was everything you expect from a Pixar movie, but the thing about Pixar is that the whole is always more than the sum of its parts. The whole is something special, something unique, something wonderful, and Brave doesn't quite have it.

In my opinion, Pixar is the greatest movie studio out there right now, if not of all time. Almost every one of their small number of movies is absolutely perfect. It's pretty amazing, and in celebration, I wrote a list of every Pixar movie, from worst to best. Mathematically, the task is impossible. There is more than one perfect Pixar movie, and you can't top perfection, but, I managed to put down a pretty accurate list. Here ye are.

13. Cars 2: 

Cars 2 exists for one reason, and one reason only: because Disney made uncounted gobs of money from merchandising from the first. It shows. The Pixar spirit just isn't there. The story is predictable, and there isn't really any substance. All it has going for it is the jokes, which are plentiful and often hilarious. I liked this movie. It's a funny comedy, but it's not a good movie.

Best Line: (Sushi Chef, after Mater eats mound of wasabi): "My condolences."

12. Cars

The original Cars is the sequel's polar opposite. It's got a big old heart and an at times touching story. The characters are memorable and seem real, quite a feat considering they're cars. The reason it's so low down on the list is because every other Pixar movie has these attributes too, and because the main character, Lightning McQueen, isn't very interesting. Every other Pixar movie has a strong lead, even Cars 2, with Mater, who at least is funny. Cars is funny too, but has some of the cheesiest jokes of any Pixar outing.

Best Line: (Mater to Lightning, as Lightning is hitched up to the disgusting road-cleaning machine after Mater failed to represent him in a court case) "Hey, I know this may be a bad time right now, but you owe me $32,000 in legal fees." 

A note: This is a good movie. This is the problem with Pixar. Here we are at number 12, and I already think it's a good movie.

11. A Bug's Life

Funny. Worth watching. Quality movie. Good time. It's understandable this isn't Pixar's finest outing. It was only their second, and they didn't have the momentum of new exciting technology anymore. Still, a good movie, but not a classic.

Best Line: (Flik): "They can't know the truth! The truth, you see, is bad! I will be branded with this mistake for the rest of my life! My children's children will walk down the street and people will point and say, "Look, there goes the spawn of Flik the Loser!"

10. Brave

Now we cross from the realm of good to really good. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. The main star is the scenery, and it's breathtaking. The story is charming in its complete strangeness and the performances are great, including Billy Connely (who looks way too much like John Cleese) as the king.

Look at him! Doesn't he look like John Cleese!

But Brave is not a classic, because it tries too hard to be one. After the not-quite-success of Cars 2, the Pixar higher-ups tried to get some of the old magic back, and only ended up with a fairly good imitation. Still, by anyone's standards, a fairly good imitation of Pixar is a wonderful film.

Best Line: (King Fergus, imitation of his daughter) "I don't want to get married, I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset." 

9. Toy Story 2

Toy Story 2 was the first time Pixar made me sad. Jesse's song "When She Loved Me" is just heartbreaking. The movie was a natural continuation on the first, using toys to illustrate mature feelings of parental abandonment, this time going from "having less time spent with you because of someone else" to "being completely out of the picture." Pretty dark for Pixar. But there's also Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. May they forever be a happy couple.

Best Line: (Mr. Potato Head, say it with me now) "Prepare to meet Mr. Angry Eyes!"

8. The Incredibles

Even if it weren't Pixar, The Incredibles would be a great satire. It would still be a great superhero action movie with characters relatable though they have magnificent powers. It would still be a wonderful film. But it is Pixar, and it has Edna, and we are eternally grateful.

Best Line: (Edna Mode) "No Capes!"

7. Toy Story

The first Pixar movie is still a marvel of computer animation and writing. Along with its sequel, it has a 100% critic approval rating. The characters, however inanimate, seem real, and "You've Got A Friend In Me" will never stop being stuck in our heads. A classic movie.

Best Line (Buzz, after being told he is a child's plaything)" You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell"

6. Monster's Inc

This one was tough. John Goodman and Billy Crystal's performances still make me laugh. The ingenious story still wows me, and I still gasp at the amazing visuals in the climax. This is one of my favorite movies, and it still is only the sixth best Pixar movie of all time.

Best Line (Roz) "I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always." 

Part 2 Tomorrow!

Things Called Ferris

There are two well-known things with the word Ferris in their name. One is Ferris Bueller, a fictional character from a great film.

Bom. Bom. Chick. Chickachicka.

The other is less great. I am referring to ferris wheels, the worst amusement park rides ever created. Yes, worse than the teacups. What do you have against the teacups? I like the teacups!

Especially with kittens inside!

Seriously, though, ferris wheels are awful. You just kinda sit there. No motion, no excitement. More often than not you're not moving at all because people are getting on. When you are moving, it's simply not very fun. You spend the entire time wanting to get off. Recently, I went on a trip and my group went on the Toys 'R Us ferris wheel in Times Square. I abstained, and walked up the flight of stairs to where my friends would be at the top of the ferris wheel. It was equally fun and there was candy. Which makes it better.

I cannot think of a single sentence where adding "and there was candy" to the end does not make it better.

That's the Eye Of London, best known for being in the city where they film the great TV show Sherlock. It's a famous ferris wheel. It's as boring as any ferris wheel, but you get a great view of the city. (A city not worth viewing as much as New York, because it lacks the naked cowboy.)

Here's the thing about the Eye of London: you could get the same view from an observation deck, which requires you to take a ride in an elevator, which is more fun than a ferris wheel. Also, what if instead of a ferris wheel, it was a roller coaster? Then it would be the small intestine of London!

The human small intestine.

This is not a rant, it is a Public Service Announcement: Never ride a ferris wheel, it will not add any joy to your life in any way.

Do watch Ferris Bueller. Good movie.

Danke Schoen, darling, Danke Schoen.

No Time To Blog Today!

Ta-daa!

An Open Letter to the Director of the American Museum of Natural History in New York City

Dear Mr. of Natural History in New York City,

May I have the dinosaur? Please?

Sincerely,
Nate Perlmeter

Don't Take Our Dinosaur!: An Open Letter to The Mongolian Government

Dear Mr. Government,

Can I call you Mongolian? I think we're on a first name basis, we've known each other for a while. Actually, do you have a nickname, like Goly, or Mongo, or Billy? I'm gonna call you Billy.

Pleasantries aside, lately you've been making some remarks about the Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton in the American Museum of Natural History in New York City, known as "Rexy" to his good friend Ben Stiller.

Good looking guy.

If I understand my news correctly, Billy, you've been saying you want Rexy back because he has historical and cultural significance to your country and your people. Well, you can't make us! You have no right! Sure, the U.S. shouldn't really even have the skeleton and took it illegally in the '30s but that's beside the point!

A '30s archaeologist.

The point that that's beside, by the way, is that you can't take the dinosaur. Plain and simple. If the U.S. government won't stop you, then I will, me, Nate Perlmeter. I can quote Spongebob Squarepants dialogue in a high pitched squeal, and will have you hear it, Billy, if you won't submit to more diplomatic methods. But I hope that won't be necessary.

First of all, your statement is completely ridiculous, Billy. How can the dinosaur be of historical and cultural significance to your country and people? It's a dinosaur. Its history ended long before yours began, and Google yields no "mongolian cultural rites involving dinosaurs." Do you know what that makes you, Billy? A liar. A big, fat, liar.

Terrible movie. Hope you never had to see it in Mongolia.
Okay, okay, I love it.

If anything, the dinosaur is of cultural significance to Americans. It's in the New York City American Museum of Natural History! We based two (filmed in Canada) movies on that place! The dinosaur is so. . . majestic and so. . .inspiring!

Okay, I admit it, Billy. I don't care much about the dinosaur. Living in the New York metropolitan area, I've seen it enough times. But think of the minor disappointment that the exasperated tourists will feel for a moment when a security guard says that the T-Rex skeleton is no longer there. Do you think you could live with causing that kind of pain to people? Do you, Billy?

And that is why we're keeping it. Or at least, I am. I'll find someplace to keep it.

Thank you for your time,

Nate Perlmeter

The Slightly Mixed Bag Of Summer

I am victorious! Okay, we're done here.

But seriously, I'm victorious. The problem I discussed in yesterdays' post has been fixed. My mixer is working. Yay. Have a kitten.

I know how much you guys looooove kittens.

But I digress. Today, I blog about summer. I'm a 13-year-old boy,

Self-portrait.

and it's the end of June, which means Schooooooooooooooolll's out! For! Summer!

Doodly-doodly-doodly!

Initially when I think of summer, (especially in, say, February, smack dab in the middle of the school year), it's a totally great thing. I can't wait for it! You know, summer! Yeah! But then the beginning of June rolls around, and you've finished all your lessons, and you're taking your finals, and the mixed section of the bag of summer vacation rears its ugly head. Speaking from June 18, with three school days to go, this month has been great so far. Spending most of our school time going on trips or watching movies (something my parents don't exactly like their taxpayers' money being spender on) has given me a lot of time to hang out with my friends. Thursday, after school ends, we're all going to have a big party, and it'll be fun, but it'll also be sad, because we'll all be going our separate summer ways, and won't see each other too much for the next few months. So we think, "Hey! We'll see each other when school starts back up again." And then we think, "Ew, school's going to start back up again."

Don't get me wrong, I love summer. I love extra time to relax at home, and I love going to my awesome sleep away camp for eight weeks. (CITs of 2016!) This is why summer isn't a bad bag. It's a mixed, mostly good bag. Like a cheeseburger with olives instead of a plate of haggis. (God, I hate olives. And oatmeal. Hate oatmeal.)

Bleh. Strangely, I like oatmeal cookies. Then again, I like most cookies.

My point is, Yay! No school! Kitten!

Voodoo Child (Slight Return)

Today I return to blogging after a small break, because as they say, write every day, and you shall be writing every day. I don't actually have a topic in mind to talk about, but I decided I'd sit my laptop down on (where else) my lap, and let the words fly from my fingertips. And so they shall.

A word, in its natural habitat.
Seriously, what is that? I think it's a ladybug.

As I write this, I am experiencing an electronic malfunction. That is, I 'm not malfunctioning, a piece of electronics I own is. Or perhaps several are. That's the problem with malfunctioning electronics, you never know what the problem is. Say your iPod isn't getting the music you download to it from your computer. Your computer says the iPod got the music, but the iPod doesn't. What's malfunctioning here? The cable? The computer? The iPod? The wardrobe?

Currently, my problem consists of my computer not reading the USB cable running from my Behringer audio mixer. Now, I know my two readers who know anything about audio technology (Hi Sam! Hi Peter!) are saying, "Of course, it's not working! It's a Behringer!" But I've discussed this mixer with both of you, and you both gave your approval, so you're obviously lying. Now, get back to your bubble baths, or whatever it is people I know do when I'm not around. (Though I really don't see how you get on without me.)

This blog's title is, of course, a Jimi Hendrix song. A very long one. He also had a song called "Voodoo Chile." He also had amazing hair.

The italics were for emphasis, not sarcasm.

I called this post what I called it because it is my "Slight Return" to blogging after a two day break from my rigorous schedule. The return is only slight because in 10 days I'll be heading off to summer camp, and be taking an eight-week-long break from blogging, with maybe one blog smack dab in the middle of that time period when I visit home. It will be a grand visit, during which there will be a grand reunion between my butt and my couch.

So those are the words that come out of my fingertips. Interesting.

To Fulfill My Strange Self-Obligation, I Must Blog Today

So, here's a cool picture.

It's a still from the movie The Greatest Game Ever played, and it came up as the first result when I Google Image'd greatest picture ever. Funny, I thought Google was smarter than that.

The End.

Entertainment Vs. Art: Part 2

When last we saw our hero!

"What is art?

It is a question that has plagued many, because apparently they didn't want to look in the dictionary. Well, according to Mr. Webster, the definition of art is as follows:

That was what I wrote before discovering I couldn't copy the Webster's definition of "art" into my blog, and went to a bunch of different dictionaries, all with completely different definitions of art. Luckily, this fits well into my point.

Which will be declared tomorrow! Cliffhanger!"

And now the cliffhanger will be resolved.

What is art? Well, when most people hear that word, they think of paintings, drawings, and sculptures. Visual art. Man with an apple in front of his face and all that jazz.

A man with an apple in front of his face playing jazz.

But most of us know that art is more than that. A movie can be art, a book can be art, a song can be art. These are all things that people can make, and they can be art. But a chair (unless a very ornate chair) can't be art. A pencil can't be art. Those are things that are made to serve a function. They're not beautiful. They're just there. Except the very ornate chair. So perhaps the definition of art is "something made by humans that doesn't really serve any purpose but is enjoyably observed."

"Something made by humans that doesn't really serve any purpose but is enjoyably observed?" There's a word for that. It's called entertainment. And entertainment and art are definitely not the same thing. Yes, a movie can be entertainment, a book, can be entertainment, and a song can be entertainment. For example, I find the TV show Family Guy quite hilarious, and I enjoy watching it, but when I'm done, that's it. No lesson learned, no imagery still in my head, no lasting experience, no real value to my life. And I think that's the real dividing line between entertainment and art. Value. Entertainment makes you happy. Art makes you glad. Glad to have experienced art. In my opinion, the real definition of art is a quotation from Steve Jobs. He was a man who created countless works of art during his life.

Works of art that play Angry Birds.

Yes, these objects that we use in our day to day lives are works of art, just as that very ornate chair I mentioned earlier was art. Steve Jobs understood what art was. He understood that art was magical, and that the things people were doing with the art he created were magical. And so, in December 2011, in the last words he ever said to another person, he summed up what art is about. Steve Jobs's last words were "Oh. Wow."

Sometimes art and entertainment are mixed. Take the song "Stan" by Eminem, which I have been listening to a lot recently. This is a sad, sad song. It's entertaining, but in a strange sort of way, the kind of way where you want to keep listening just to hear where the story is going, and it's designed in a genius sort of way that will keep you thinking about long after you stop listening. (This song is hard to explain, but what I just said will make sense if you listen to it, which I strongly recommend. There is some profanity, but it is central to the song, so don't watch the official Youtube video, as quite a lot is censored.) This from the guy whose song "Just Lose It" includes the lyrics "Everyone report to the dance floor. Alright, stop. Pajama time."

The future million-selling rapper, with his birthday cake and favorite pink Alf shirt.

"Stan" is an example of entertainment and art mixed together excellently. It can happen, you know. Sometimes all entertainment needs to do to cross the gap is be very, very good. The film Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a silly comedy about swallows, and coconuts, and medieval knights being - Spoiler Alert!
arrested by modern-day British police.
Spoiler Alert Over!
Still, the writing is so good that it's a work of art, and it will  be remembered by future generations.

This blog's title may be a disappointment to some who came to see a brutal wrestling match between two people whose names happen to be Entertainment and Art. But "Entertainment Vs. Art" is an interesting question. I think the answer is both. Art is great, as I've said throughout this word-ridden article (as opposed to an article not full of words), but entertainment is necessary. Without it, humanity would be just one long, boring slog through existence, with no meaning.

Boom. I just figured out the meaning of life: don't be bored, always fill the lives of you and everyone around you with entertainment and art. Live a happy existence.

Just kidding, it's 42.

Entertainment Vs. Art

What is art?

It is a question that has plagued many, because apparently they didn't want to look in the dictionary. Well, according to Mr. Webster, the definition of art is as follows:

That was what I wrote before discovering I couldn't copy the Webster's definition of "art" into my blog, and went to a bunch of different dictionaries, all with completely different definitions of art. Luckily, this fits well into my point.

Which will be declared tomorrow! Cliffhanger!

The Greatest Muse In Rock And Roll

Today I'm going to talk about a model, photographer, and author named Pattie Boyd.

One thing you'll notice about Ms. Boyd is that she's not too bad-looking, not at all. This will come into play later.

Born in Somerset, England in 1944, Ms. Boyd got into modeling as a teen, and in 1964 found herself as an extra in a movie, on the set of which she met her future husband. Here they are together.

That there be George Harrison, a rather famous guitarist. Him's a Beatle for you younger whippersnappers out there. The couple met on the set of A Hard Day's Night. Pretty lucky girl, Pattie Boyd, landing a Beatle like that. Or pretty lucky guy, George Harrison, since, as one expert stated,

"One thing you'll notice about Ms. Boyd is that she's not too bad-looking, not at all." Wait, that was me. Moving on.

So they got married, and he Beatled about while she Beatle-Wifed about for a few years, and after the band broke up, they continued.  During that time, George wrote Pattie a little song. It was called "Something."

But a problem arose, you see, because George had himself a friend. We'll call this friend "Eric," because that may or may not have been his first name. Eric was an okay guitarist himself, even having done a solo for the forgotten Beatles song "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Eric didn't have himself a girl, unless you count pounds of heroin as girls, in which case he would've had himself quite a harem. But Eric had a hankering for George's girl. Obviously he couldn't tell George, or he would get slapped. (Or breathed upon, or however it is Beatles defeat their enemies.) So Eric let out his feelings in a song. He called it "Layla."

You thought I was referring to a different Eric?

So famous musician wants other famous musician's girlfriend, nothing new. But here's where the story gets weird. Pattie left George for Eric. Okay, that wasn't that weird, but here's where the story gets weird. George didn't mind. He and Eric stayed friends. Seriously. And then Pattie left Eric to write a bestselling memoir or something.

The End.

So to recap: The same girl was married to George Harrison and inspired "Something," what Frank Sinatra called the greatest love song of the 20th century, and then left him for Eric Clapton, inspiring "Layla," which is, like, pretty much just the greatest song ever. (Oh, and "Wonderful Tonight.") Wow. She must be a good cook.

Some final thoughts on Ms. Boyd:

• She said George wrote the song for her, but at the time George's material was mostly religious. And "Something" could totally work as a song that uses loving a woman as a metaphor for loving God. So, in short, she was comparing herself to God. Come on, Pattie. (Okay, quick Wikipedia check says George wrote the song for Ray Charles, apparently, but it's still just as a big an offense on Pattie's part.)
• Perhaps Eric stole George's wife in response to the "Savoy Truffle" incident, when George raided Eric's house in the middle of the night and stole all of his chocolates.

And now, as my gift to you, my readers: seven minutes of pure happiness for your ears: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WUdlaLWSVM

In Which I Present Advice and Kittens

I just realized today that I never blogged yesterday. For all of my severely distressed readers, I present this apology in the form of kittens.

You're welcome. Don't worry if you're allergic, the cuteness will overpower your allergies, I'm sure.

Today I'm going to dispense some general advice I have to give on life:

• Never tickle a sleeping dragon.
• Don't be a know-it-all. (This one I have great personal experience with.)
• Before inviting someone to eat a meal with you, make sure they're not allergic to any of the foods or kittens that will be served.
• Try to do the things you like to do as often as you can.
• Smile. It will make you feel better.
• Don't say random things that make no sense at all. It will creep out the people around you. The only exception is in an awkward social situation, when these can help break the ice.
• Don't tell overcomplicated jokes.
• Try new things all the time.
• Present apologies in the form of kittens.
• Whenever possible, eat delicious food, as opposed to not delicious food.

Once again, you're welcome.

Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark Review

Bono.

Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, the Broadway musical about, as it would happen, Spider-Man, has had a troubling history. Given sixty-five-million dollars, the most expensive budget for a Broadway musical ever, horrendous reviews were received, there were numerous technical problems and injuries, writer and director Julie Taymor was fired, and the show was completely rewritten before opening on Broadway. This second version is what runs in the Foxwoods theater now, and what I saw last night. I had heard all of the stories of the show being horribly bad, and was going into it looking forward to enjoying myself by laughing at how bad it was. The show did not live up to expectations. I daresay it was good. Not great, but good. In any case, it was a lot of fun to see.

Bono.

The play's first act consists of the familiar Spider-Man origin story and that of his nemesis, the Green Goblin, and the second shows the battle between the two. Intertwined into this are occasional appearances by ancient Greek goddess of spiders Arachne. Left over from the original production of the show, Arachne's songs and scenes have no bearing on the plot and are kind of creepy. Another plot thread is, of course, Peter/Spider-Man's courtship of Mary Jane Watson.

Bono.

Aside from injuring its stars, this play is most famous for its special effects, and these did not disappoint. Spider-man leaps around the theater with bravado. It's really a sight to see, and about halfway through you forget about the incredibly conspicuous wires. On stage, the New York sets look great.

Bono.

Some of the sets are painted cartoonishly, as if to evoke a comic book feel,  but they feel more like children's book illustrations. This even carries over to some characters. Generic bank robbers Spider-Man stops in the first act are men wearing masks, making them look like cartoon bank robbers, and in the wrestling match early in the play, the fearsome champion is a giant inflatable doll. I think this idea is interesting, but in my opinion, a musical adaptation should try to be a musical, not a comic book. Also, it just looked plain stupid.

Bono.

I loved the score by Bono (Bono) and The Edge. It had a nice anthemic feel (sort of like the music of U2) that fit the superhero story. I loved the score though, and that is the extent to which I loved the music. What song lyrics I heard were elementary. Being 13 years old, I'm confident I could've written them. Most of the singing (Bono) was covered up by music. Another problem was that in the action packed second act, characters incessantly burst in to song (especially Mary Jane) at the most inopportune moments. Seriously, she burst into song every single time she and Peter have a conversation. It got quite annoying. The last component to the musical aspect of the show, the choreography, was not inspiring. In the few group numbers, the ensemble did bland, rather silly looking dances. Plus, they did it in that yellow. Why were they all wearing yellow?

Bono.

The writing of the show was quite good. There were lots of funny jokes, and it was engaging, but there were also cheesy moments that made me cringe. Still, the story moved along at a good brisk pace. The actors' performances were great. They definitely made the play better than it might have been otherwise. There was no weak spot, every actor played their role perfectly, even if that meant saying stupid lines. Apart from Bono (Bono), my favorite part of the play was the performance of the Green Goblin, who at times had the audience howling with laughter. The scenario of his being completely insane allowed for him to do things like using a ShakeWeight or playing a piano solo in the middle of a battle with Spider-Man. It may have been a strange break from the story, but it was good comedy.

Bono.

Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is not great theater. It is not well-written, and it will not give you a deep emotional experience. It's a spectacle. It's something you can go see and be amazed by. It's a good time. It's nothing you should make a pilgrimage for, but if you live nearby, I recommend seeing it.

Matters Apple and Musical

Today, as I shall be on a school trip all day, and I have to get ready to go on said trip starting in five minutes, I will write this blog in five minutes, and it will be quite random.

Here are the top five ways to prepare apples:

5. Eaten whole

4. Shot off the top of someone's head with an arrow.

3. Cobbler

2. Crisp

1. Of course, pie, the world's greatest dessert

Tonight, at the end of my trip, I'll see Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, the Spider-Man Broadway musical, so tomorrow's blog will be my review of it. It may be scathing, or not, but based on what I've heard from other people it will probably be scathing. Here's a preview.

"Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is"
"[actor who plays Spider-Man, whose name I am don't have time to look up right now]'s performance as Spider-Man was"
"Bono"
"Bono"


I probably will say Bono several times.

Goodbye now.

A Semi-Notable TV Show

My trip to Israel is over, thus the new title of the blog. I promised myself I'd blog today, and I have to leave my house in fifteen minutes, so I'll blog quickly, and I'll apologize for any spelling mishfhjk. What shall I blog quickly about? 3rd Rock From The Sun.

Airing from 1996 to 2001, 3rd Rock was an NBC sitcom about a group of aliens on a secret mission to Earth who disguise themselves as a human family, the Solomons. The stars were John Lithgow as High Commander/father Dick, Kristen Johnston as Lieutenant/Dick's sister Sally, French Stewart as Transmitter/Dick's brother Harry, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Intelligence Officer/Dick's son Tommy. Most of the show's humor came from the aliens' confused experience of human life. 

I call this show semi-notable. It's a funny sitcom. I watched every episode on DVD and thoroughly enjoyed it. The thing is, it's not very memorable. I can't remember too many funny jokes from the show, and it's not generally well-known, as contemporary sitcoms like Seinfeld and Friends were. Plenty of people watched the show while it was on, and it won a bunch of Emmys (mostly for Lithgow's great performance), but no one remembers it for being great. There are plenty of TV shows that have suffered the same fate, but this is the one I remember.

Interestingly, Lithgow was already very famous, and Gordon-Levitt has become very famous since, but their co-stars not only aren't, but are most well known for a mental breakdown and starring in the awful film Inspector Gadget 2. Not very inspirational legacies.

Home Again

Well, here we are. The Trip To Israel Then Jordan But Not For As Long Then Back To Israel Just For A Night And Then Home is over. I write this blog from my beloved couch in my beloved house, with my beloved computer plugged into a beloved American power outlet.

The entirety of today was taken up by the twelve-hour plane ride from Tel Aviv to Newark Airport. Also, it was my sister Jackie's birthday. Not a very fun birthday, but she was lucky. Because our plane was traveling West, her birthday was seven extra hours longer! The thing was, those seven hours were spent on a plane, and flying in an airplane is never a fun experience. Sure, you can do fun things on a plane, like read or play games, but you can do the same things off a plane, while sitting in a chair that is actually wider than your body.

Aside from eating the awful, awful food they brought us (the two meals being, for some reason, lunch and breakfast, in that order), I spent most of my time on the plane watching movies on the inflight entertainment system. I watched The Sound of Music, Forrest Gump, and Glee: The 3D Concert Movie. Suffice it to say, the last was the greatest of the three films.

Okay, obviously that was sarcasm, and normally I would just let that sit there, but I have to emphasize this point. I like the show Glee. I'm sure the concert itself was great, but the movie was terrible. It was composed of two main parts. The first was very badly produced concert footage, and the second was inspiring stories of Glee fans with disabilities. Some of the stories were inspiring, but some were troubling, because these kids were unhealthily obsessed with Glee. The movie was nothing more than an ad for the show.

Moving on from my anti-Glee movie tirade, It's time for the grand flashback to the trip. In the words of Maria Von Trapp (Sorry, I did watch the movie just a few hours ago), "Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start."

Well, we arrived on a plane, went to our hotel in Tel Aviv, and went to a Mexican restaurant. Then we went to sleep, and I woke up and started my blog. Then several more days passed, during which events happened which I detailed in past blog posts and am too lazy to repeat. Here are some fancy pictures to tell you about them for me.

The beach in Tel Aviv.

Tel Aviv street art. That message is real deep.

I actually have no idea what those words say.

Tel Aviv cemetery.

Jerusalem street market.

Steve's Packs backpack selection.

Very colorful.

Very, very colorful.

Western Wall, with partition dividing men and women.

Completely disgusting.

The division of men and women, I mean.

The wall is quite pretty.

Ayn Avdat National Park.

We all seem to be quite confused in this picture.

The ancient city of Petra.

This city is really old.

It's much older than cream cheese, which was invented in the 1890's.

In Wadi Rum with our guide, Ali, the greatest man to ever live.

He is so amazing the picture can only contain half of his body.

Well, that takes care of the witty captions I promised yesterday. Now for the takeout food. After getting home from the airport, we ordered pizza. It was good. The wings were great. We then ate my sister's birthday cake. That cake was probably the best part of this long, long day.

So concludes my tale of the Perlmeter/Hertzman clan's Trip To Israel Then Jordan But Not For As Long Then Back To Israel Just For A Night And Then Home. Tomorrow, although this is not a fact I am happy about, I have to go to school, and so my journal assignment is over. I don't have to blog anymore. But I will. Return to this URL tomorrow for a bold new blog, with a bold new title, a title probably shorter than my current title of Trip To Israel Then Jordan But Not For As Long Then Back To Israel Just For A Night And Then Home. The post will have nothing to do with Israel. Perhaps I'll post my top fifteen musical cues of the Back to the Future trilogy, or discuss the Satanic messages subliminally sent out by the Food Network. We shall see.

This has been a Trip To Israel Then Jordan But Not For As Long Then Back To Israel Just For A Night And Then Home. Mrs. Dominick, I hope you liked it.